Couples Counseling: Improving Your Communication

Losing touch with your partner and feeling like you've grown apart can be upsetting and disappointing.

If you keep making the same mistakes and can't figure out how to fix them, if you can't talk about things that bother you in a healthy way, and if you let your anger and frustration build up until they explode in a fight or argument, it could be a sign that your relationship could benefit from couples counseling.

Couples counseling is a type of psychotherapy that helps couples improve their relationship by assisting them in identifying and solving problems that come up in it.

Why Do We Struggle with Communication in Our Relationships?

The dynamics of relationships evolve throughout time. A healthy relationship takes consistent work and commitment, just like any other worthwhile endeavor. In addition, a good relationship requires you to know how to communicate, repair after arguments, and be vulnerable with one another.

Conflicts in relationships are typical and not necessarily bad because they give us a chance to rethink our points of view, better understand each other, and become more sensitive to each other's needs. But when conflicts threaten the couple's connection, love, and trust, most couples can't help but become disappointed and grow apart. Over time, you might start to feel lonely in your marriage.

A communication breakdown is one of the most typical reasons couples seek help from a therapist specializing in couples therapy.

Couples may have communication issues for various reasons. These factors may include being unable to see things from each other's perspectives, different cultural backgrounds, unreasonable relationship expectations, or traumatic childhood experiences.

The Benefits of Good Communication in Relationships

Good communication skills are rarely permanent. Even when we know better, most of us default to our old, unproductive communication patterns during arguments. Marriage counseling can help develop, practice, and maintain positive communication skills.

Above all, a qualified couples counselor can help you understand the importance of having good communication in your marriage or relationship.

Being Heard

Conflict resolution can be challenging when each partner has their own interpretation of words and events. Because if you feel alone and unheard in your marriage, you won't be able to talk to your partner about your problems and solve them. When one or both people in a relationship feel unheard, they can withdraw and distance themselves, blame, criticize, or ignore the problems without understanding what caused them.

During couples therapy sessions, you may develop strategies to help you calm down when you are upset. This can prevent you from either externalizing your anger and lashing out at your spouse or internalizing it and feeling that it is all your fault.

Feeling Safe

Feeling safe enough to talk to your partner about how you feel, what you need, or what's bothering you is a sign of a healthy relationship.

Being vulnerable lets us be our true selves and build a safe connection with our partners. It allows us to face our negative feelings and comfort our partners when upset instead of trying to avoid emotions and conversations about them.

Marriage counseling may help you create an emotionally safe space for communication with your spouse. This space will allow you to learn how to approach some of the most emotionally charged themes in a way that feels safe and connected to you both.

Knowing How to Repair

To have good communication, it's essential to learn how to recover after arguments, not how to avoid them. Couples therapy can be a safe place to learn how to mend after a fight and develop essential communication skills such as tuning in to your partner's feelings and understanding where they are coming from during an argument.

You may also learn to calm down, be more mindful of your words and actions, reflect on your thoughts and behavior, and address them with your partner so that they understand you better.

Listening without Judgment

A relationship suffers when you often feel frustrated, judged, and resentful. Learning to listen each other without judgment can go a long way toward improving communication.

We frequently form false assumptions and second-guess one another's actions or thoughts, which can lead to difficulties in communication. In order to improve communication, it is important to refrain from making assumptions and instead ask for clarification.

Communication that revolves around "you" messages usually means blaming and making a judgment. So, when you blame your partner and use many "you" messages in communication, it is hard to talk to each other honestly and openly because they make the person who hears them feel angry and defensive.

Therefore, you should try to replace them with "I" statements that focus on how you feel instead of what you think your partner does wrong.

For instance, try replacing words like "You never (ask me how my day is)" or "You always (leave your dirty shirts lying around the house") with "I" statements like "I feel hurt when (you don't ask me how I feel)" or "I feel annoyed (when you don't help out around the house").

Couple counseling can assist you in improving your listening skills and teach you and your spouse how to understand and respect each other's feelings and be better listeners.

Healthy Boundaries

Relationships require healthy boundaries to promote self-care and relationship well-being. Open communication can help set healthy boundaries regarding your needs, feelings, independence, and freedom and respect each other's limits.

How Can Couples Counseling Help?

If there are persistent dysfunctional communication patterns in your relationship, this may be a sign that you and your partner might benefit from marriage therapy.

Couples therapy can give you a safe place to learn skills that can help you be more open and honest about what you want and think. You may discover new and healthy methods to resolve your arguments and communicate your needs. Couples counseling can also help you learn how to rekindle connection, making you feel more vulnerable and safer in your relationship.