How Do the Differences in Personality Styles, Brain Structure, and Upbringing Between Men and Women Affect Your Relationship?

Relationships that are healthy and satisfying are essential to our well-being. And the majority of us work hard to cultivate healthy and fulfilling relationships, whether romantic, familial, platonic, or professional. However, the most critical factor determining our happiness and well-being revolves around our romantic connections.

Still, many people have difficulty maintaining positive relationships. A lack of awareness of male and female personality variations and differences in brain anatomy and upbringing may all contribute to the problem.

What are Different Personality Styles, and How Do They Affect Your Marriage?

Psychologists generally agree that there are five major personality traits or styles, known under the acronym OCEAN or as The Big Five:

• Openness
• Conscientiousness
• Extroversion
• Agreeableness
• Neuroticism

Our personality style involves stable patterns of thoughts, emotions, and behavior. For example, studies find that, on average, men tend to be more assertive and competitive. This makes them come across as more confident, assertive, and prone to risk-taking in certain situations. On the other hand, women tend to be more agreeable, which means they're often more easygoing and tolerant.

In addition, the differences in our personality traits influence how we approach our relationships.

For example, if one partner is high in agreeableness, this means that they genuinely care for and enjoys helping others. If another partner, however, has low agreeableness, they may take little interest in the feelings and needs of others. What is more, they may manipulate others to get what they want. This may lead to toxic relationships, abuse, and emotional distress.

Or, a partner high in extroversion might want to spend more time with friends and go out. In contrast, their spouse high in introversion might prefer to stay at home and spend a quiet evening alone. These differences may lead to problems in communication, dissatisfaction, and conflicts.

How Does the Structure of Your Brain Matter When It Comes to Relationships?

Our brains play a significant role in shaping our behavior, beliefs, and values. Research suggests that brain differences between men and women could impact our relationships.

For example, some parts of the brain in charge of emotions, language, and spatial skills may differ between men and women.

Some studies suggest that women communicate better verbally than men because their brains have more extensive connections between the left and right hemispheres.

Also, research shows that the limbic system, the part of the brain that processes emotions, may differ slightly in men and women. It has been shown that women have more connectivity in this specific region of the brain. This might explain why women tend to be more emotionally sensitive than men.

When it comes to decision-making, women can consider multiple factors and work together. On the other hand, men have a flair for being laser-focused and task-oriented when it comes to problem-solving.

How Do Upbringing and Socialization Impact Your Relationship?

Our upbringing shapes our beliefs, values, and behavior. From early childhood, societal expectations and cultural norms impact how males and females are raised. For example, family and society frequently encourage girls to be caring and sensitive. In contrast, guys are encouraged to be independent and strong. These gendered expectations can influence our self-perception, personality characteristics, beliefs, and behavior.

For example, how you were raised might impact your adult sexual life and intimacy as things about sex you learned and internalized during your upbringing shape your attitudes towards love and intimacy as an adult. If one partner grew up in a home where their parents avoided discussing sex and felt awkward around sex matters, they are more likely to internalize sex shame and struggle with intimacy in a relationship.

How to Navigate These Differences

Failure to communicate effectively is what eventually destroys relationships. Therefore, rather than making judgments and forming opinions based on incomplete information, you should exercise active and reflective listening by repeating what your partner has said and asking questions to help clarify the situation.

Nurture honesty, vulnerability, and openness to navigate your differences and create a more mindful connection. Ensure that all emotions are welcomed and that honesty is your priority. Strive for a relationship in which you can disclose your deepest thoughts and dreams without fear of being judged or rejected.

Being honest about who you are and allowing your partner to be completely honest about who they are makes you feel welcomed, understood, and loved despite your differences.

How Couples Counseling Can Help

You will develop valuable skills that can significantly improve your relationship by counseling with a specialized couples counselor. Couples counseling can provide a safe environment to develop problem-solving abilities, practical communication skills, the capacity to tolerate differences, and the ability to understand and empathize with your partner's feelings.

Marriage therapy can provide valuable guidance on effectively identifying and addressing the challenges within your relationship without assigning blame to one another. It can also help you and your partner explore constructive strategies for overcoming the obstacles in your relationship.

What are the Benefits of Couples Counseling?

If both parties are determined to find solutions to their issues, have realistic goals for their time in treatment, and are committed to their counseling sessions, couples counseling may be a viable option. Couples that attend couples counseling frequently get the following advantages from their sessions with a counselor:

• Establish positive communication skills such as reflective listening, "I" messages, and empathy.
• Identify their differences in viewpoints, beliefs, and expectations.
• Feel motivated to start understanding marriage problems from a different angle.
• Work through past traumas and know how they affect their relationship.
• Get a handle on their issues with intimacy.
• Learn how to reconnect after conflicts.
• Learn how to re-establish trust and restore connection after infidelity.

Relationship counseling may provide a secure environment where you can discuss your worries and develop a connection that is fulfilling, meaningful, and mutually beneficial to both parties.